Comment Wall
If you haven't yet, go check out my portfolio and read up on the stories I wrote. You can leave a comment here expressing your thoughts and feelings towards what you read there. Let me know what you think and if you have suggestions for future stories.
Wow, Caitlyn, I really enjoyed looking at your portfolio project “Tales of India.” I read through your story titled “Meeting Shurpanakha.” It was exceptional, right from the start. I really liked how you combined the characters Rama and Sita with an avatar storyline. This is exceptionally creative. One thing that I am a bit unclear on is how Shurpanakha was able to find and follow Rama and Sita if they were trying to go unseen. Perhaps you could go more in depth with the discussion of how she was able to follow them while they were trying to escape the attention. This might be a great opportunity to build suspense in your story. Another part that might be good to go further with would be the fight towards the end. This seems like a climactic moment in the story, so it might be good to provide a bit more detail. However, I love the suspense at the end with the cliff hanger. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Caitlyn! I just wanted start off by saying I loved your story! This totally reminded me of when I was a kid watching "Avatar the Last Airbender." I really enjoyed how you incorporated the Ramayana story of Rama's and Sita's adventures and molded it with one of my childhood favorites! Your writing and dialogue was great too! The way you contextualized and added the voice of the character really allowed me to dive into the story. However, one thing that I was wonder, was why Shurpanakha behaved the way she did? Perhaps in another story, you can dive into more of her background and incorporate it with the mahabharata. Overall I believe you wrote a fantastic story! I can tell you put a lot of hard work and imagination into your writing. I hope you have a great weekend and good luck with the rest of your semester! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlyn! Your author's note in your first story would work really well if you fitted it into an introduction! I think that having an introduction before the stories would really just help the reader know what to expect before they read the stories. You can even give it a narrator, someone like one of the poets who wrote the Ramayana into a past Avatar of the Last Airbender universe. I think this is such an interesting take on the Ramayana and I would love to see you expand it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, maybe there is some way for you to change the Home page Title to reflect the story's contents? If you named it "Rama: The Last Airbender" I would immediately know that this was a connection to Aang, the Last Airbender, and know more about what was going on with this story. It would also grab people's attention a lot better than "Tales of India" does, just to lure people in so they can be interested and not pass over something that is a super amazing idea!
I am definitely going to be coming back to read more!
Hey Caitlyn!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your portfolio project “Tales of India.” The Story that I read and that I found really interesting was “Meeting Shurpanakha.” It was really intriguing to me how you had combined the characters Sita and Rama with an avatar storyline in your story. It really reminded me of the Avatar movie, and it was really cool how you modeled your story after it! One thing I was wondering that I believe others were too, was why Shurpanakha had behaved the way she did? Maybe in your other story or in the revisement of this story you can dive into more details and add some of her background. Overall though this was a great story and I truly enjoyed the read! I really look forward to keeping up with your stories and reading the rest of them! Good luck with the rest of them and have a great semester!
I liked how you combined Indian myth with Avatar: The Last Airbender. Very funny play on both meanings of the word avatar lol. I thought the story was very enjoyable and you preserved the Indian style of storytelling well in my opinion. One thing I was curious about is what nation Rama belonged too in the Last Airbender universe? I think you could almost do some world-building by answering that question. Then again, that's a little too much information for one short story lol. Anyways, really nice job and I'm excited to see what else you've got!
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlyn! Your story is great and i really enjoyed reading it. you do an amazing job of keeping the reader interested in the story the whole time, you have a great talent for writing. I like how you combined a story that many people are familiar with and also put your own twist on it. I love avatar and really enjoyed the stories of Sita and Rama so this gave me a story i loved. I think maybe some more background information about your character would help me know more about the story but other than that you provide lots of information and details that kept me entertained the whole time. Your use of dialogue in the story gave me a great representation of you character and i could visualize everything perfectly. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlyn! I read your “Meeting Shurpanakha” story. It was really interesting and fascinating to read. I could literally imagine the beginning scenes in my head. The rumors spread across the town that the avatar, which was turned out to be Rama. The crowds in the town was eager to see Rama, but Rama and Sita didn’t like attention much so they sneaked out of the town and escaped into the woods. The story after the escape brought even more suspense. Rama and Sita was secretly stalked by Shurpanakha who was selfish and vain. It was scary to read about Shurpanakha: “She caught a glimpse of him and noticed that he was quite handsome too. She detected that the avatar and the girl he was with were trying to sneak off to get away from all of the people. She decided then to follow them and figure out a plan to make him hers.” This is a terribly scary character, and I disliked Shurpanakha very much. I also didn’t like her seduction attempt to marry Rama, who was already faithful to Sita. Shurpanakha was also cleverly vicious who knew how to manipulate useful others to her advantage. I wonder how the story would have turned out to be if Shurpanakha wasn’t so jealous and vicious and instead gracious enough to recognize Rama’s faithful love for Sita. What if Rama and Sita didn’t go through the town and instead went straight into the woods and didn’t meet Shurpanakha? I bet the story would have been more peaceful and romantic between Rama and Sita. Thank you for a great story!
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlyn! I loved your project. Incorporating the capture of Sita from Rama plot into Avatar: The Last Air Bender was a brilliant idea! This was one of my favorite shows as a kid. I probably go through and re-watch all of the episodes every couple years or so. Your story was so well written, and honestly, I was too excited reading it to have any decent critiques. I guess the only feedback is that I want more stories, and I see you only have one on your project page, which made me sad. I get it though. This class is a lot of work, and creative writing can be quite difficult and taxing at the rate this course demands. But, I hope you write more stories like these so I can read them in the future. You write so well, and your website is set up perfectly! I just beg of you to write more of these stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlyn, I really liked your page. The picture you used for your project when we first open the page is nice. I like the sunset because it is so calming and relaxing. I also like the topic for your project. I also choose to talk about Rama and Sita in my project because I found them very interesting. I made stories using the epics in my but in the modern version. You have written the story really well in great detail that I can really imagine it. I also though that the Last Air Bender was a great idea. I have watched it a couple of times as a kid and it brought back so many memories. It was a good idea to make a story on something that people are familiar with. It keeps them interested in wanting to read more. Good luck with the future stories. I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHey Caitlyn! Went through and looked at your portfolio project website. I think it’s cool how even though you elected to do a portfolio project, all of your stories have a common theme, sort of like the storybook project. It’s nice having that unifying theme. Your idea is also really creative – combining elements of Avatar and the Indian epic stories. I personally have not read or watched anything about Avatar and its series, but I think you did a great job explaining them and their background, both on your home page, and in the author’s note in each of the stories. I could still follow all of your stories, even though I didn’t know anything about Avatar, so that was good! I also did enjoy reading the stories and seeing how you weave in the Avatar, particularly how you made Rama avatar! I look forward to reading the rest of your stories and seeing how everything progresses.
ReplyDeleteHi Caitlyn! I love the inspiration behind your portfolio. As a kid, I loved Avatar, the Last Airbender. My brother and I used to pretend to be Water benders in the pool during the Summer (but I mean who didn't do that?). Anyways, you have used an incredible amount of creativity in this and I think that it is really awesome! After reading your stories, I was even more impressed! You have done a great job of combining these two world. You were able to effectively communicate the plot lines of the Indian epic tales with the setting and detail of Avatar, the Last Airbender. Your portfolio also had a great flow to it. I think it was helpful that you outlined the theme of your portfolio at the beginning. Each of your Author's Notes were helpful in describing the connections of your stories. Overall, fantastic job! I hope the rest of the semester goes well for you and you have a successful dead week and finals week!
ReplyDeleteHey Caitlyn!
ReplyDeleteI looked over your portfolio project and it looks great! I thought it was so clever that you based your stories off the animated series, The Avatar the Last Airbender. I used to watch that show with my brother when we were younger, so it was nice to read your stories and kind of relive my childhood. Also, I liked how you included a brief background on the animated series and mentioned a little bit about the characters in it. That's nice for people who don't know about the series to get some background on it. In addition, your stories are well written and include a lot of details. I kept wanting to read more, and you did an amazing job combining the Indian epic stories with the animated plot. A suggestion I have is that maybe you could make your banner images a little bigger to add more color to your site. Overall, you did a great job on your stories!
Hi Caitlyn, I love your project! I liked the layout you chose to use and the images as well! My favorite story is probably The Banishment. It is very interesting and I am sure it would be scary to be in their place. Having to do a task that ends in banishment would be tough. I liked your idea to base the stories off of The Last Airbender. That was pretty clever and it added to your project itself. The only feedback I would have is to have a little more description on the character itself. I think the plot and development works fine because it really made yours tories great. Good job with your project!
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